I don’t think you understand the problem.

I will never put myself in a situation again where I have to explain that it’s not weird to anyone again, same for that URL.

To some people, anubis is weird, there is no changing that. It does the job, the mascot can be changed by paying, but the project itself is weird to some people. Such person is asking, is there an alternative. You cannot just say “push back that is not weird”.

dousing them with a mixture of hydrogen peroxide, acetic acid, salt, and acrylic paint

Is there a civil engineer here who would know what degree of damage will this cause?